Living (in Anticipation)

Every morning when the alarm rings, the very first thing I tell myself is, “one more day gone- one more day less”. I then snooze it and the next 10 minutes are spent in dreaming- for that day – how it would be, what I would be doing, etc etc. The moments go by too fast for my liking and the next alarm jolts me back to the present. The very ordinary present – where there is nothing extra ordinary to look forward to, except for those moments of anticipation for a single moment in the future.

I often wonder and laugh thinking as to how many times my mind takes a ride in the time machine to go ahead in the “assumed future” to make things look brighter. Probably every second when it is free or is engaged in a monotonous task. But what will happen when the moment will finally come? I would be so busy trying to make it perfect (thanks to hours of planning spent) that I would not notice it slipping away- the realization will dawn when it would already be safely tucked away in the pages of history.

Makes me wonder, if this is how life is supposed to be lived? Or rather what is the present? The tears in the eyes on the past hurts the dream and anticipation of the future, so where is this second- the moment? The mere thought is enough to make all my hair stand up – the speed at which the clock is ticking is so fast that its impossible to relish a second…we go about our lives unmindful of this fact or the fact that even a bigger unit like an hour cannot be repeated- what’s gone is gone, never to come back again.

Such thoughts prompt me to plan and organize my life, what it is right now, instead of waiting for the day when I would be at a particular place that I love, or with a specific person, or when I would have n lakhs as a bank balance. It makes me think of creating a list of the “10 things I wish to do each day” instead of the one created when I am sitting beside my own grave. Often it would happen that I would repeat 8 out of 10 things – but still it would make sense, because then I would set the wheels in motion that will in the end make me appreciate the present; instead of dreaming about the future.

So does that mean we should not plan or think beyond the next second? No – plan we must but minus the thought process which says “this will happen when that will happen at a particular point in time”. The focus should be to be able to live the present to the best while keeping an eye on the future. Life is here and now and not there and then. The person who stands in front is the most important-more important than blood relations, more important than all the loved ones. Do not forget to tell him what he means – what he has done to make you a better person in this moment. Love intensely – give yourself passionately and truthfully, without wondering what pains the happiness will bring at the nth hour. Maybe the nth hour will never come at all – there is no sense in dragging the non existent future in the present.

And I end with my favourite quote “Give a stranger one of your smiles – it might be the only sunshine that he sees in all day”