A couple of months back The Tribune carried out an article about the Congress Office workers in UP hailing Sonia Gandhi as a goddess so much so that they had made some statues of her in the likes of Goddess Durga. ( www.tribuneindia.com/2007/20070622/main6.htm ). My mother’s first reaction on reading the article was “Imagine a point in future maybe 2 centuries (or more) later when some archeologist digs up a lost site and comes across the intact statue of hers. And then…she actually would be thought of as a goddess….”
This made me think of the whole thing in reverse. Imagine all the Gods that we pray to as simple guys like us and someone somewhere down the line manipulated them as Gods and Goddesses?
Lets look back…a couple of millenniums ago a race maybe superior from another planet were trying to create Artificial Intelligence (AI). The project team that had got a head start and was way ahead of their competitors was named God. The final objective of God was to develop AI that is able to sustain and multiply itself. They had already created the basic structure which they called “spirit” that was light and intangible. On a more technical note it had an underwritten code that described the spirit’s reaction to different situations. The code was open in the sense that the spirit could edit it for itself depending on the new learnings from the surrounding environment.
However the scientists still had the challenge of finding a way to enable the spirit to sustain it- it needed a solid cover to protect itself and have a more tangible bearing. None of the available materials and elements seemed good enough. Finally the scientists came up with a compound called “body” which was a mixture of soil, water, wood, metal and fire. These elements seemed perfect as on an individual level as they represented the characteristics of the spirit and together gave it a tangible form.
The very first of the samples were developed on the production unit, Mars, and the development documentation for the same was transported to Venus; another of the production units. However due to a typo error in the content of the ingredients the very first samples developed on Venus were different from their counterparts on Mars. The difference was in terms of subtlety. While the prototypes on Mars were aggressive and weak in spirit, the ones on Venus were softer and yet more strong, more durable. After a lot of debate it was decided to mix the prototypes as parts of the same species, so that their strengths and weaknesses could complement each other and the engineers were saved of the trouble of writing further code. Rather than developing on a single kind of prototype leading to a slower system they had two of them, faster and more efficient. To differentiate the prototypes from Mars were called Men and from Venus as Women.
Things were going just too good to be true. The team members felt that they had almost reached the end of the project way ahead of their competitors. True that they had reached this level after months of slogging; and it was time now to relax. They decided to take a vacation trip to the site where the prototypes (now known as humans) were supposed to be put. Beside fun they could also inspect the location (called Earth) in detail and put a couple (one man one woman) for close inspection. Going forward the prototypes would be remotely controlled via signals that would be received by the chip embedded in the spirit.
The vacation was nearing its end. The experiment was a smashing success. The prototypes were behaving themselves as they were supposed to without any errors. The team had even succeeded in developing a sub code whereby the prototypes at the end of a specific period would terminate themselves. The highlights of the new sub code were that the termination date was generated automatically when the sum total of all emotions/elements of which the spirit was composed became equal to zero. As soon as the termination date was reached the body dissipated; decomposing back into the elements it was originally of: fire, soil, water, water and metal and the spirit was guided back to the base. New members of the species were added when the older ones were terminated. This was done via another sub program named “Attraction”. Basically the program made the man and woman to come together and copulate. The copulation process automatically sent a mail to the Central Admin who then guided one of the spirits to earth inside the woman’s body. The spirit then acquired its own body over a period of nine months depending on the characteristics of the couple. It was a fully automatic system and a beauty in itself.
Then tragedy struck all of a sudden. Two of the senior scientists of the project team God, thought of applying the code on their own race. In his hurry to finish up the things (without the knowledge of other team members) they messed up things and applied a code on the entire team that was high on ego and pride. Their consequent actions led to the divisions within team God, which split into 3 large groups namely, Hindus, Muslims and Christians and a number of smaller ones. The Hindus group was headed by Brahma, Muslims by Allah and Christians by Jesus. Each of the groups had the expertise to develop the prototypes and sent them to earth. This led to further conflicts whereby each one of them wanted the one to launch off the spirits and hence gain greater recognition. It almost seemed that the project would be scrapped out because of the warring groups. Finally after innumerable meetings, they reached a consensus. Each one of the groups would launch off spirits but the spirit would communicate only with the head of their group (Brahma/Allah/Jesus) and no one else. Also the variation would be in terms of how on reaching the termination date the spirit would segregate itself from the body. E.g. the bodies of the Hindus would be consigned to flames while that of the Muslims would be buried.
Since things had gone ugly by then, no one wanted to take the responsibility of writing further code for these enhancements. The management was in a fix for a while. But then things had to be worked out else things would become confusing for the prototypes. So they hired some fresh graduates to enclose this new knowledge in the form of documents. These documents were woven in the form of stories so as to make them more interesting. Thus were born the Vedas, the Quran and the Bible. Once written; they were left out on the Earth for mankind to find and interpret it. The scriptures were updated from time to time by the deeds of the achievements of God. The instructor from team God explained to the selected human (known as “Disciple”) over the knowledge sharing session known as “Dream” as to what needed to be written. The Disciple then used to put it down on paper for the awareness of the masses and in the process became a known figure himself.
Over a period of the time the team God added fancy add ons like showing a just terminated spirit his actions done on earth in the form of a video film and then rewarding him with a reward or punishment, based on the decision of the Supreme Court. The reward/ punishments were both in the form of trips to locations called Heaven and Hell, respectively. After the trip the spirit was back to “bench” (non working period) till the time it got a new assignment. But then there were problems also. Due to wrong signal transmission the spirits terminated from earth couldn’t reach the base. They started moving around in the universe and over a period of time became intelligent enough to prevent their capture. They also developed techniques to (mis)guide other spirits to their own group. They came to be known as the “Ghosts”
That was how mankind came into being. And that is how the cycle of life and death works. Simple isn’t it? But then if it’s so simple and religion is just a means of reaching the base, then why do we all fight??
Monday, November 26, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Memories of a Night in Solitude...
She finished the book on a Friday night when it was raining torrents. There were no obligations to get up early in the morning hence she could think in peace. For her there was no greater distraction known in life then the need and compulsion to sleep. It was as if in sleep the person chooses to die out for a while leaving behind all the beauty that life has to offer. What a waste of time!!!
She was stretched out on the bed; the book just finished lying on her stomach –the two of them like tired and delighted lovers who have just finished the act of finding pleasure in each other’s bodies. Likewise her mind was reviewing the book, certain passages that she would refer from time to time, like a lover teasing fingers on the spine of her sweetheart- small actions that differentiate love from lust; post coitus . The radio played the song “aaja guffaon mein aa; aaja gunaah kar le…” in the background. For no specific reason she likes the feel of the song combined with the constant beat of the rain on the window and the violent thunder.
Suddenly she had this intense desire to feel water on her skin….Its the weekend- a time just for self hence she obliges. As she gets off the bed like the secret lover going away, the clock chimes out the bell for 2:00AM- as if reprimanding. The radio station is now playing “Kabhi Alvida na Kehna”. She almost thinks that that the book, her lover for that night; has conspired with the clock and the DJ at the radio station (and maybe her mother who would have gone wild had she got to know of her daughter getting wet in the rains). But then she is decided. Books were her love definitely. She could pick one for each weekend, even more, drink them in, sleep with them and no one could blame her of being a bitch. Besides they are much easier to handle than the guys. Grabbing a couple of chocolates and the half finished bottle of vodka she hums “Dil khudgarz hai fisla hai fir haath se; Kal uska raha, aab hai tera is raat se….” as if arguing with the radio she proceeds to the roof top. No doubt, things do tend to become human like especially for imaginative people who are staying alone. At the door her dog, Pepsi yawns and stares at her. He is accustomed to her Friday night musings and is not bothered about the whole thing.
As if to welcome her the cloud above her burst over with a flash of lightning. As the first few drops of water found a path down her spine she feels drunk. “Who needs this damned vodka in this weather?”; she smiles thinking of her team lead who had gifted her the bottle almost 15 days back on the successful completion of the project well before the due delivery date. The fact was however different. The project completion was just an excuse. The bottle was there because her Team Lead Avantika, a head strong divorcee felt that a woman if she works equal to a man should enjoy the same pleasures. The bottle was among the first few trials that she was taking as a part of the pleasure trip.
Usually scared to death by insects and cockroaches not to mention the phobia she had of ghosts and spirits (plus the add-ins you get in Delhi like the “mooh nochva”, the monkey man, the hammer man….and their lesser versions like thieves, burglars and prying neighbors) she couldn’t have been more daring. It actually seemed as if an ancient spirit had taken residence in her, making a usually calm placid, practical-in-control widely respected, young and successful executive into a wild creature (I purposely refrain from using the word girl or human being. There was nothing sensible about the whole thing)
Then for some unknown reason she started crying. Maybe the joy was too much- the joy of being able to act like a child without any restrain or was it the pain of always having to act the part of a serious and responsible grown up. Whatever it was it gave her a sense of being freed from a dungeon. As the weather calmed down a bit maybe in an hour’s time it seemed to have a similar effect on her as well. Her mind started wandering on the beach of life gone by. The strange part was most of them were totally irrelevant experiences- not the ones that had changed the course of life or earth shattering remember able ones. A few hours earlier she hadn’t even remembered those moments; and here she was crying for the third standard child who didn’t get the first prize in the poetry recitation competition, smiling at the girl who felt the pleasure of wind in the hair the very first time on the cycle, with Chaaya and laughed at the awkward teen who had found her face painted early morning on getting up from bed by hostel mates. A lone girl sitting on the roof alone at 3:00 AM on a rainy night...laughing and crying.
Undoubtedly it was one of the most beautiful night’s she had ever spent. It was as if the current she was time traveling with a younger her stopping and exploring those little moments that have been lost amongst the more important ones or simply amongst the rush of life.
A while later she was thinking, “Am I getting mad?” People have beyond their jokes had always thought of her as a lil’ bit strange- especially for the reason that despite being the head of a successful organization (besides being beautiful and the kind of girl that anyone would like to take home) she loved staying alone for no obvious reasons. No boyfriends, no close friends - nothing. She even stayed away from her own family. She had vehemently opposed them saying she wasn’t the only one. Loads of people stayed that way. Besides work was a good enough excuse to escape from all relationships. Plus she argued that there is a distinction between solitude and loneliness. But then what she did alone, besides reading no one knew. No one had been inside her house, not her parents, not her friends. There were no servants as she insisted on maintaining things on her own.
Solitude; as widely understood is the act of being with yourself, indulging yourself to refresh the mind of backlogs and crowding that happens when some one is constantly drilling their thoughts in your head. Loneliness is the exact opposite, a kind of exile over a failure by self or given over by society to an individual. She was neither in constant solitude, nor lonely. It had been like this since childhood. When her brothers and sisters would play, she would sit and talk to anything that was willing to listen, grass, sky, spoons, books, walls, papers, toys….anything. With age, she found it difficult to confide in a person and over time she retreated back into the world of her own after the working hours. A world as real as any other, full of trees, teddies, books, music, Pepsi and memories. A world where everything talked and smiled, had time for others and no one was angry.
The vodka had by then burnt her throat, thus making the memories clearer. She remembered the first time she had met Chaaya-The only person who had been able to enter her “closed’ world. Her best and only friend from school days. Chaaya who was taken away in a road accident when they were in the final years of college. For her Chaaya had never died; because she hadn’t ever realized her existence. Like everything in her world Chaaya continued to live, smile and suggest thoughts…..
But today, suddenly she felt the need to see Chaaya- the real one, to feel her and hold her. But where was she? In the truest sense of her name(shadow) she was there all the time, but so far off that she could only be felt and not touched.
She was stretched out on the bed; the book just finished lying on her stomach –the two of them like tired and delighted lovers who have just finished the act of finding pleasure in each other’s bodies. Likewise her mind was reviewing the book, certain passages that she would refer from time to time, like a lover teasing fingers on the spine of her sweetheart- small actions that differentiate love from lust; post coitus . The radio played the song “aaja guffaon mein aa; aaja gunaah kar le…” in the background. For no specific reason she likes the feel of the song combined with the constant beat of the rain on the window and the violent thunder.
Suddenly she had this intense desire to feel water on her skin….Its the weekend- a time just for self hence she obliges. As she gets off the bed like the secret lover going away, the clock chimes out the bell for 2:00AM- as if reprimanding. The radio station is now playing “Kabhi Alvida na Kehna”. She almost thinks that that the book, her lover for that night; has conspired with the clock and the DJ at the radio station (and maybe her mother who would have gone wild had she got to know of her daughter getting wet in the rains). But then she is decided. Books were her love definitely. She could pick one for each weekend, even more, drink them in, sleep with them and no one could blame her of being a bitch. Besides they are much easier to handle than the guys. Grabbing a couple of chocolates and the half finished bottle of vodka she hums “Dil khudgarz hai fisla hai fir haath se; Kal uska raha, aab hai tera is raat se….” as if arguing with the radio she proceeds to the roof top. No doubt, things do tend to become human like especially for imaginative people who are staying alone. At the door her dog, Pepsi yawns and stares at her. He is accustomed to her Friday night musings and is not bothered about the whole thing.
As if to welcome her the cloud above her burst over with a flash of lightning. As the first few drops of water found a path down her spine she feels drunk. “Who needs this damned vodka in this weather?”; she smiles thinking of her team lead who had gifted her the bottle almost 15 days back on the successful completion of the project well before the due delivery date. The fact was however different. The project completion was just an excuse. The bottle was there because her Team Lead Avantika, a head strong divorcee felt that a woman if she works equal to a man should enjoy the same pleasures. The bottle was among the first few trials that she was taking as a part of the pleasure trip.
Usually scared to death by insects and cockroaches not to mention the phobia she had of ghosts and spirits (plus the add-ins you get in Delhi like the “mooh nochva”, the monkey man, the hammer man….and their lesser versions like thieves, burglars and prying neighbors) she couldn’t have been more daring. It actually seemed as if an ancient spirit had taken residence in her, making a usually calm placid, practical-in-control widely respected, young and successful executive into a wild creature (I purposely refrain from using the word girl or human being. There was nothing sensible about the whole thing)
Then for some unknown reason she started crying. Maybe the joy was too much- the joy of being able to act like a child without any restrain or was it the pain of always having to act the part of a serious and responsible grown up. Whatever it was it gave her a sense of being freed from a dungeon. As the weather calmed down a bit maybe in an hour’s time it seemed to have a similar effect on her as well. Her mind started wandering on the beach of life gone by. The strange part was most of them were totally irrelevant experiences- not the ones that had changed the course of life or earth shattering remember able ones. A few hours earlier she hadn’t even remembered those moments; and here she was crying for the third standard child who didn’t get the first prize in the poetry recitation competition, smiling at the girl who felt the pleasure of wind in the hair the very first time on the cycle, with Chaaya and laughed at the awkward teen who had found her face painted early morning on getting up from bed by hostel mates. A lone girl sitting on the roof alone at 3:00 AM on a rainy night...laughing and crying.
Undoubtedly it was one of the most beautiful night’s she had ever spent. It was as if the current she was time traveling with a younger her stopping and exploring those little moments that have been lost amongst the more important ones or simply amongst the rush of life.
A while later she was thinking, “Am I getting mad?” People have beyond their jokes had always thought of her as a lil’ bit strange- especially for the reason that despite being the head of a successful organization (besides being beautiful and the kind of girl that anyone would like to take home) she loved staying alone for no obvious reasons. No boyfriends, no close friends - nothing. She even stayed away from her own family. She had vehemently opposed them saying she wasn’t the only one. Loads of people stayed that way. Besides work was a good enough excuse to escape from all relationships. Plus she argued that there is a distinction between solitude and loneliness. But then what she did alone, besides reading no one knew. No one had been inside her house, not her parents, not her friends. There were no servants as she insisted on maintaining things on her own.
Solitude; as widely understood is the act of being with yourself, indulging yourself to refresh the mind of backlogs and crowding that happens when some one is constantly drilling their thoughts in your head. Loneliness is the exact opposite, a kind of exile over a failure by self or given over by society to an individual. She was neither in constant solitude, nor lonely. It had been like this since childhood. When her brothers and sisters would play, she would sit and talk to anything that was willing to listen, grass, sky, spoons, books, walls, papers, toys….anything. With age, she found it difficult to confide in a person and over time she retreated back into the world of her own after the working hours. A world as real as any other, full of trees, teddies, books, music, Pepsi and memories. A world where everything talked and smiled, had time for others and no one was angry.
The vodka had by then burnt her throat, thus making the memories clearer. She remembered the first time she had met Chaaya-The only person who had been able to enter her “closed’ world. Her best and only friend from school days. Chaaya who was taken away in a road accident when they were in the final years of college. For her Chaaya had never died; because she hadn’t ever realized her existence. Like everything in her world Chaaya continued to live, smile and suggest thoughts…..
But today, suddenly she felt the need to see Chaaya- the real one, to feel her and hold her. But where was she? In the truest sense of her name(shadow) she was there all the time, but so far off that she could only be felt and not touched.
Know Im in Love.....
I know its love and not infatuation as you imagine it to be because:
This isn’t the first time I’m in love, I know how it feels to love and not be loved back in return (that’s my version of the story) nor it’s the last time; there is a wonderful world waiting for me out there (that’s your part of the story).What you are unaware is the fact that I seriously wish and want this to be the last time. I’m tired of playing games
I know very little about you and then there may be things about you that I might not like. But I want to know the worst about you. For all your hurtful efforts to keep away from me I love you all the more. Can’t help it any more than I can stop my heart from beating.
I don’t wish to see you all good looking and decently dressed all the time. I desire to see you in a torn tee, looking messy after a days work. You would still be my Princess (Gorgeous Hamesha kinds) when you look like something the cat dragged in.
You aren’t the one I would want to go on dates with. There isn’t time enough. I wish to be there every second, every minute of the life; sharing not just happiness but tears.
You are the first thing I think of every morning and the last before I go to bed. I wish to see (and not think) you every on both these occasions and many more with that trouseled hair and sleepy eyes. I wish I could snatch you from the arms of dreams to make all of you mine.
I have tried hating you but cannot. I have tried loving others. I have tried concentrating on my work. But alas! My love for you supercedes any other emotions for anyone or anything.
You think of me as a prince who would want a princess straight out of movies. No I don’t need animated creatures. I want exactly as you are, with all your ugliness and intellect. Chand si mehbooba ho meri kab aaisa maine soacha tha, haan tum bilkul vaisi ho jaisa maine soacha tha
I often compare you with my future wife (already chosen by my family). When asked to do something for the sake of custom and religion I feel belittled and dumb. When I replace you with her everything else dims out in the context. It’s like, why only this, why not something more? Atleast that ways I have a chance of staying within centimeters of you.
I want to be the one who is at the bedside when you are sick, the one who brings in water food and medicines. I want to be the one on whom all the tears and frustration is directed at in the sad parts of your life. I want to the be the re when you smile. I just don’t wanna miss a moment of my life as far as you are concerned babe.
10. Finally I put myself through the hardest test that one can put to test the strength of our relationship. I imagined you as a cripple or as someone else’s wife. In any case I do not feel any kind of bitterness. I still love you for what you are; for your beautiful soul not for what you would be or to whom you are linked and how.
Do you need one more reason; sweetheart?? Say yes, and I will give you a thousand more. I will wait for you even if it means staying alone till my next birth. I wish to see the world through your eyes, and touch everything through those small slight fingers. No I won’t die if you don’t come but then I won’t live also. Existing isn’t living . Im no more than a vegetable without you.
This isn’t the first time I’m in love, I know how it feels to love and not be loved back in return (that’s my version of the story) nor it’s the last time; there is a wonderful world waiting for me out there (that’s your part of the story).What you are unaware is the fact that I seriously wish and want this to be the last time. I’m tired of playing games
I know very little about you and then there may be things about you that I might not like. But I want to know the worst about you. For all your hurtful efforts to keep away from me I love you all the more. Can’t help it any more than I can stop my heart from beating.
I don’t wish to see you all good looking and decently dressed all the time. I desire to see you in a torn tee, looking messy after a days work. You would still be my Princess (Gorgeous Hamesha kinds) when you look like something the cat dragged in.
You aren’t the one I would want to go on dates with. There isn’t time enough. I wish to be there every second, every minute of the life; sharing not just happiness but tears.
You are the first thing I think of every morning and the last before I go to bed. I wish to see (and not think) you every on both these occasions and many more with that trouseled hair and sleepy eyes. I wish I could snatch you from the arms of dreams to make all of you mine.
I have tried hating you but cannot. I have tried loving others. I have tried concentrating on my work. But alas! My love for you supercedes any other emotions for anyone or anything.
You think of me as a prince who would want a princess straight out of movies. No I don’t need animated creatures. I want exactly as you are, with all your ugliness and intellect. Chand si mehbooba ho meri kab aaisa maine soacha tha, haan tum bilkul vaisi ho jaisa maine soacha tha
I often compare you with my future wife (already chosen by my family). When asked to do something for the sake of custom and religion I feel belittled and dumb. When I replace you with her everything else dims out in the context. It’s like, why only this, why not something more? Atleast that ways I have a chance of staying within centimeters of you.
I want to be the one who is at the bedside when you are sick, the one who brings in water food and medicines. I want to be the one on whom all the tears and frustration is directed at in the sad parts of your life. I want to the be the re when you smile. I just don’t wanna miss a moment of my life as far as you are concerned babe.
10. Finally I put myself through the hardest test that one can put to test the strength of our relationship. I imagined you as a cripple or as someone else’s wife. In any case I do not feel any kind of bitterness. I still love you for what you are; for your beautiful soul not for what you would be or to whom you are linked and how.
Do you need one more reason; sweetheart?? Say yes, and I will give you a thousand more. I will wait for you even if it means staying alone till my next birth. I wish to see the world through your eyes, and touch everything through those small slight fingers. No I won’t die if you don’t come but then I won’t live also. Existing isn’t living . Im no more than a vegetable without you.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Book Review - The Dumb House by John Burnside
The Dumb House isn't the most interesting book I have ever read. But what catches the attention (and manages to retain it) is the topic dealt therein plus the style of narration which is creepy; the story being narrated in first person by a mad man with perfect logic and sense.
The book is based on an experiment (maybe fictitious - its a part of the folklore and myths) conducted by the Mughal emperor Akbar the Great. Once during a discussion with the senior court members, Akbar argued that the language is learned/ acquired while the courtiers said that its innate. To prove his point. Akbar built a palace outside the city and filled it up with randomly picked up new borns from the entire length of the country(maybe to ensure that his "samples" came from families speaking different languages). These children had all the worldly comforts, were attended to by mutes and didn't hear a sound from the outside world. The palace came to be known as the "Gang Mahal" or the "Dumb House". At the end of some years Akbar went over to inspect the result of his experiment. It was as he had thought...there wasnt a single sound from the entire palace, thereby proving that language is acquired.(http://www.sign-lang.uni-hamburg.de/bibweb/Miles/1200-1750.html )
Inspired by the myth and some incidents and influences from his own life (including his insanity) the central character of the story, Luke puts his own new born twins in solitary confinement. Over a period of time the twins develop their own language (or so Luke assumes). He grows paranoid and lives in constant terror that the twins, who are not more than a year old are plotting to kill him. The high levels of emotion lead to the termination of the experiment by Luke himself, where by he poisons the twins.
For further details you can refer to the links:
John Burnside the author: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Burnside
Book Review: http://www.amazon.com/Dumb-House-John-Burnside/dp/0099582716
The book is based on an experiment (maybe fictitious - its a part of the folklore and myths) conducted by the Mughal emperor Akbar the Great. Once during a discussion with the senior court members, Akbar argued that the language is learned/ acquired while the courtiers said that its innate. To prove his point. Akbar built a palace outside the city and filled it up with randomly picked up new borns from the entire length of the country(maybe to ensure that his "samples" came from families speaking different languages). These children had all the worldly comforts, were attended to by mutes and didn't hear a sound from the outside world. The palace came to be known as the "Gang Mahal" or the "Dumb House". At the end of some years Akbar went over to inspect the result of his experiment. It was as he had thought...there wasnt a single sound from the entire palace, thereby proving that language is acquired.(http://www.sign-lang.uni-hamburg.de/bibweb/Miles/1200-1750.html )
Inspired by the myth and some incidents and influences from his own life (including his insanity) the central character of the story, Luke puts his own new born twins in solitary confinement. Over a period of time the twins develop their own language (or so Luke assumes). He grows paranoid and lives in constant terror that the twins, who are not more than a year old are plotting to kill him. The high levels of emotion lead to the termination of the experiment by Luke himself, where by he poisons the twins.
For further details you can refer to the links:
John Burnside the author: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Burnside
Book Review: http://www.amazon.com/Dumb-House-John-Burnside/dp/0099582716
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thoughts on Breast Cancer Awareness Session: Before and After
This is a brief of the Breast Cancer Awareness session that was held within the company premises. It was a “women only” session, which as I realized later on; showed how much unaware (not just at an individual level but socially also) are we of the facts. People out there; its not just woman who can suffer from breast cancer, men too can; what if the chances are few and far-flung. I herein share a couple of thoughts and insights.
Let me start from myself. I am young, carefree, with a hectic (not stressful) life. I consider myself ok if not exactly the fit kinds. I do exercise (according to the availability of time); do not gorge on fast food or food in general. My favorite dishes include anything prepared by my mother and I get to eat them only once in six months when I’m at home. For the rest, I’m busy…working, traveling, thinking and meeting new people. I do not have unusually high levels of stress and am happy and contended for the most part of my life.
You must be wondering why I’m sharing this totally irrelevant info. Reason being when I received the mail for attending this session (It wasn’t mandatory) I thought of chucking out of it. One hour of time wasted for a doctor who would probably talk nonsense? (I’m amongst those people who feel time is best wasted in meetings) I could chat or surf the net, which seemed to be a better option. I was sure I couldn’t have cancer (I’m fit enough-see the reasons mentioned above) and if even I had cancer the doctor can hardly do anything more than giving me a few more days of painful life filled with tears medication and chemo. I would better die than live such a life. But then I attended it because of some silly reasons like
· My team members were all going and I had noone to talk to for all that while
· I had no work as such) reason given to me by my team)
· There was noone who was interesting enough to chat to…online
· I couldn’t think of anything else to do
As it turned out I was wrong on all the counts. Infact the very first thing that the doctor discussed was “It cannot be me” syndrome. Every day we hear of people dying out of cancer or otherwise and think; “Oh God it’s so bad, it happened to him/her.” But we never visualize ourselves dying out of cancer. Human mind is so funny that it tends to think only good. An eternal optimist will think, “I will be richer than Bill Gates”. A neutral one may think “ Oh I’m happy. Thoda hai thode ki zaroorat hai”. A pessimist will think “Oh I wish I had what Bill Gates has” But none of them will think of themselves as the victim of a road accident or cancer. Have u imagined yourself lying in the hospital bed with your juices flowing out of your skin? Or a part of ur body detached from you because it was cancer afflicted? No never. No matter how hard it might be but this realization will form ground of avoiding cancer, or at least some of its forms.
Fit enough. That was my second reason for not attending the session. But then I was wrong again. In every human body at any given point in time there are at least 15-20 abnormal cells that have the capability to grow out into a cancer. These cells are kept under a strict control by the body immunity. But then there is nothing as 100% fool proof, including the human body. So the fittest of the bodies can also have cancer. Other reasons have been included later.
The third thing that the doctor pointed out (and is closely related to the first one) is we are scared of finding ourselves as the victim to the disease. We wouldn’t go for a cancer check up because we are afraid “What if its there? I am sure to die.” Cancer is in most cases incurable. But not all. Breast cancer is easily detected and is curable. The cell division (I’m not sure if this is the case just with breast cancer or all types of cancers) is very slow. At the max one cell becomes two in 90 days. Two becomes four on the 180th day...so on and so forth. It’s pretty slow; if you consider the fact that a million cells (and nothing less than that) together constitute 1cm of cancerous growth, which in medical terminology is even before “Stage I”. If removed at this stage its fully curable without any chances of spreading to any other part of the body. Stage three or the last stage when the chances of saving a patient are less than 10% the growth is usually up to 5cms or more. So if found early it doesn’t necessarily means death. Ignorance isn’t bliss. It’s a sign of trouble hats waiting to blow up in future.
For the rest, the session comprised of the following (It wasn’t as boring as I had imagined it to be):
Reasons for Breast Cancer (these cannot be quoted as reasons because till date noone is sure as to what causes breast cancer but there is a high probability that people who are pretty much surrounded by any of the below mentioned are likely to suffer from it)
-Obesity
-Having kids after the age of 30 years
-No or very little breast feeding
-Hormonal imbalances and treatments (also includes excess intake of birth control pills)
-Stress
Avoiding Breast Cancer: This is a three-step process as underlined below
-Self examination; once a month for any lump; change in skin color or discharges from the nipple
-Mammography; recommended once a year (because of the long time the cells take to divide). It isn’t costly and total cost besides the doctor’s fee usually comes to Rs. 1000/- only. It isn’t that big an amount that cannot be spent in a year.
-Doctor’s examination in case of any kind of pain, change in skin colour, discharges or lumps. In case the cancer is detected at Stage I or before it does not require chemo or painful medication. Infact as the doctor pointed out most of such patients are treated as “out patients” whose tissue (and not breast) is removed and they can resume their normal lives from the next day.
Figures: In India the rate of woman suffering from breast cancer is very high. 2 out of every ten woman would be suffering from it. In the west due to increased awareness (in the ways mentioned above) and the timely assistance has reduced the number so much so that just 7 woman find themselves dying out of breast cancer every year on an average.
Miscellaneous: Cancer repeats itself, in case it has grown beyond 1 cm. This means that if at any point in your life you were operated for a cancerous growth that was in stage II or stage III, please keep a strict check for the first 5 years. After that the chances of repetition reduce if they do not die out totally.
Footnotes: There was some literature and notes (in the form of a movie) that the doctor shared with us. She is a Cancer Specialist from Apollo Hospital and I have her contact details. For those of you who need this information please get in touch with me at divyaawasthi1@gmail.com
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Being watched by invisible eyes
Did you ever have the feeling of being watched? Watched closely; at that. I mean if you are a normal person (a bachelor at that) with no court cases pending against you, no marriages in near future (wherein the future better half’s family are trying to pull out the worst secrets of the better half of your life) and no histories of jilted lovers pining away and contemplating your and your current’s murder.
Unaware that we are…we are being watched. Some people may watch you just out of habit (All HR people do that; I’m not sure what other professions bring such gory tastes). Others may do for the sake of fun (I know someone in my office who walks exactly like Lord Hanuman in Ramayana. It’s a fascination to watch him. His walk has my full attention whenever he walks by irrespective of the workload), still others because they have nothing better to do (Sitting on the Railway station). Then there are infatuated people, or others who have to watch you because they do not have a choice (they board the same bus; from the same stop and then you end up standing side by side in the crowded DTC rubbing ur bodies against each other.) At other times you are under the glare of spotlight of the Closed Circuit cameras in malls hotels hospitals, literally in almost any of the public places. Not to mention innumerable nosy neighbors or peeping toms. Then we have God, aliens, the dead, spirits and the animals (maybe the plants as well). Herein will like to make a special mention of guys. Happily married ones besides others, also watch. Eyes are the gift of God, to be used fully. Watching isn’t cheating.
So what actually happens when you realize that you are being watched or followed? The moment usually begins with a prick at the back of the neck. I don’t know why but most people can sense eyes on themselves if they aren’t engrossed in something too interesting. The prick makes them straighten out as if making them ready to prove that they aren’t doing anything wrong.
But what if the police is watching you? Scary isn’t it? Especially in a country like India wherein the police is known for its notoriety and carelessness at most of the times. One of my friends; told me a funny incident regarding this; which I’m sharing with you. My first reaction to the whole thing was, “so many crimes and this is what our officers are vigilant about? God!!!!!@@#$$$$$%%%#”
My friend and her recently acquired boyfriend were out dating when out of a sudden surge of passion they went in for bouts of kissing. Initially it started with handholding within the being driven car (by the guy) but with rising temperatures they decided to take a stop at Lodhi Gardens to avoid any chances of an accident. Things were pretty romantic on the lush green grass under the full moon sky until some people standing at close quarters started watching them for pleasure. (I guess it’s fascinating to watch a live show. Given a chance 99% of people would love to do that) However our friends here got irritated and since it was already dark and the parking was deserted, decided that their solace lay in the back seat of the car. Things went well for a while; they were so engrossed I the pleasures of each other’s lips and skin that the occasional horn or flashlights focused at the car didn’t bother them a least bit. They had almost finished and satiated their desires when there was a sharp knock on the car door. The guys knocking introduced themselves as plain clothed policeman and their only identification was the walky talky which in all probability was connected to the nearest PCR van (our scared friends didn’t ask for their identification, they could have been touts as well). They asked our friend to drive up to the nearest police station and in the meantime introduced them to the nitty gritty of the law as per which they had committed an offence (Indecent exposure in public place) under the IPC. According to them it was chargeable with a fine of 10000/- or a term of three months behind the bars (My search on Google in this respect breeded results that showed that both the terms of punishment were exaggerated far beyond the original time or money). However our terrified friends who were first timers (in lovemaking) unaware of any such things pleaded mercy and all they had in their minds was not to let their families know of the situation. Both of them knew it was unforgivable offence in their orthodox middle class families; a crime so worse that their souls wouldn’t rest in peace even in the event of their deaths. After much pleading and shedding of tears (of desperation) and sweat (of fear) the police officers relented. They agreed to let the young couple go off with a warning and a fine of Rs 4000/- (all the money that the two of them together had at the moment. However they took all the details of the boy’s family; which gave him a couple of sleepless nights in the next few days. However nothing bad happened after that and the police officer (if he was one) stuck to his promise of not informing the families; atleast till date :-). He also said something like “Everyone does his, its good you are in love. But find a private place instead of public places. Even we have done all this.” Plus for ones he also cared to ask if they needed a part of the money back to run their lives. They must have known for sure that these embarrassed first timers would probably pay more to steer clear of the trouble.
Done or not, our friends never ever had the courage to go on with PDAs; even the simplest ones like a quick hug. The sight of a police walla, even a traffic policeman makes their lives hang at its ends. Once bitten and twice shy. 4000 rupees was a big amount for a couple of kisses but a small one considering that they were saved from the wrath of their families. But on second thoughts even if PDA is a crime did the so called protectors of the constitution did a great job in pocketing the money?
I quizzed them over their idea of the whole situation. Here is one of the most interesting insights that I would like to share. Both of them agreed that they were not in favour of couples making it out and doing almost everything under the sun in the parks. They thought it spoiled the atmosphere and it was lust not love. So why did they do it. Because of the strong urge and because it was so dark that noone (who didn’t have the intention) could actually see them. Did they think they had committed a crime? No, because it was the first time and they had no where else to go...the moment demanded their full attention driving any sane thoughts out of their heads. Did they still consider other couples wrong? Maybe, not very sure. Its wrong for “regulars”. If done once in a while it’s absolutely ok. Did they consider the people watching them in the park as wrong? Yes and No. Yes because people must understand that some needs and desires need immediate satiation and they shouldn’t stare at them. People should leave such couples alone. No because noone would miss a chance to watch a live X movie. Would they watch if given a chance? Yes and No, depending on the action. If its just kissing or hugging its ok. Anything beyond that is worth a dekko; not to be missed.
This for me proves just one thing. That a human can put a wide variety of roles depending on a situation. The most serious looking studious people have a side that plays that can put any road side Romeo to shame and vice versa. It’s so easy to forgive self and very easy to blame and laugh at the vast majority of others involved in similar acts. Acts of self are referred as “majboori” (something that couldn’t be helped) and for others it’s easily called as lust. When out on a picnic with friends we make sure to disturb the love birds behind the trees and when out with the partner curse the spectators. Funny isn’t it?
Unaware that we are…we are being watched. Some people may watch you just out of habit (All HR people do that; I’m not sure what other professions bring such gory tastes). Others may do for the sake of fun (I know someone in my office who walks exactly like Lord Hanuman in Ramayana. It’s a fascination to watch him. His walk has my full attention whenever he walks by irrespective of the workload), still others because they have nothing better to do (Sitting on the Railway station). Then there are infatuated people, or others who have to watch you because they do not have a choice (they board the same bus; from the same stop and then you end up standing side by side in the crowded DTC rubbing ur bodies against each other.) At other times you are under the glare of spotlight of the Closed Circuit cameras in malls hotels hospitals, literally in almost any of the public places. Not to mention innumerable nosy neighbors or peeping toms. Then we have God, aliens, the dead, spirits and the animals (maybe the plants as well). Herein will like to make a special mention of guys. Happily married ones besides others, also watch. Eyes are the gift of God, to be used fully. Watching isn’t cheating.
So what actually happens when you realize that you are being watched or followed? The moment usually begins with a prick at the back of the neck. I don’t know why but most people can sense eyes on themselves if they aren’t engrossed in something too interesting. The prick makes them straighten out as if making them ready to prove that they aren’t doing anything wrong.
But what if the police is watching you? Scary isn’t it? Especially in a country like India wherein the police is known for its notoriety and carelessness at most of the times. One of my friends; told me a funny incident regarding this; which I’m sharing with you. My first reaction to the whole thing was, “so many crimes and this is what our officers are vigilant about? God!!!!!@@#$$$$$%%%#”
My friend and her recently acquired boyfriend were out dating when out of a sudden surge of passion they went in for bouts of kissing. Initially it started with handholding within the being driven car (by the guy) but with rising temperatures they decided to take a stop at Lodhi Gardens to avoid any chances of an accident. Things were pretty romantic on the lush green grass under the full moon sky until some people standing at close quarters started watching them for pleasure. (I guess it’s fascinating to watch a live show. Given a chance 99% of people would love to do that) However our friends here got irritated and since it was already dark and the parking was deserted, decided that their solace lay in the back seat of the car. Things went well for a while; they were so engrossed I the pleasures of each other’s lips and skin that the occasional horn or flashlights focused at the car didn’t bother them a least bit. They had almost finished and satiated their desires when there was a sharp knock on the car door. The guys knocking introduced themselves as plain clothed policeman and their only identification was the walky talky which in all probability was connected to the nearest PCR van (our scared friends didn’t ask for their identification, they could have been touts as well). They asked our friend to drive up to the nearest police station and in the meantime introduced them to the nitty gritty of the law as per which they had committed an offence (Indecent exposure in public place) under the IPC. According to them it was chargeable with a fine of 10000/- or a term of three months behind the bars (My search on Google in this respect breeded results that showed that both the terms of punishment were exaggerated far beyond the original time or money). However our terrified friends who were first timers (in lovemaking) unaware of any such things pleaded mercy and all they had in their minds was not to let their families know of the situation. Both of them knew it was unforgivable offence in their orthodox middle class families; a crime so worse that their souls wouldn’t rest in peace even in the event of their deaths. After much pleading and shedding of tears (of desperation) and sweat (of fear) the police officers relented. They agreed to let the young couple go off with a warning and a fine of Rs 4000/- (all the money that the two of them together had at the moment. However they took all the details of the boy’s family; which gave him a couple of sleepless nights in the next few days. However nothing bad happened after that and the police officer (if he was one) stuck to his promise of not informing the families; atleast till date :-). He also said something like “Everyone does his, its good you are in love. But find a private place instead of public places. Even we have done all this.” Plus for ones he also cared to ask if they needed a part of the money back to run their lives. They must have known for sure that these embarrassed first timers would probably pay more to steer clear of the trouble.
Done or not, our friends never ever had the courage to go on with PDAs; even the simplest ones like a quick hug. The sight of a police walla, even a traffic policeman makes their lives hang at its ends. Once bitten and twice shy. 4000 rupees was a big amount for a couple of kisses but a small one considering that they were saved from the wrath of their families. But on second thoughts even if PDA is a crime did the so called protectors of the constitution did a great job in pocketing the money?
I quizzed them over their idea of the whole situation. Here is one of the most interesting insights that I would like to share. Both of them agreed that they were not in favour of couples making it out and doing almost everything under the sun in the parks. They thought it spoiled the atmosphere and it was lust not love. So why did they do it. Because of the strong urge and because it was so dark that noone (who didn’t have the intention) could actually see them. Did they think they had committed a crime? No, because it was the first time and they had no where else to go...the moment demanded their full attention driving any sane thoughts out of their heads. Did they still consider other couples wrong? Maybe, not very sure. Its wrong for “regulars”. If done once in a while it’s absolutely ok. Did they consider the people watching them in the park as wrong? Yes and No. Yes because people must understand that some needs and desires need immediate satiation and they shouldn’t stare at them. People should leave such couples alone. No because noone would miss a chance to watch a live X movie. Would they watch if given a chance? Yes and No, depending on the action. If its just kissing or hugging its ok. Anything beyond that is worth a dekko; not to be missed.
This for me proves just one thing. That a human can put a wide variety of roles depending on a situation. The most serious looking studious people have a side that plays that can put any road side Romeo to shame and vice versa. It’s so easy to forgive self and very easy to blame and laugh at the vast majority of others involved in similar acts. Acts of self are referred as “majboori” (something that couldn’t be helped) and for others it’s easily called as lust. When out on a picnic with friends we make sure to disturb the love birds behind the trees and when out with the partner curse the spectators. Funny isn’t it?
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