From Victim to Offender - I

She laughed....the laugh had a villainous quality about it and that wasn't really good. Especially if you were willing to consider the fact that she had broken up with her boyfriend just hours ago. Or that just minutes back she had been crying like crazy. Or that seconds ago suicide seemed the only way out of this misery. But then, this laugh...resounding in the empty room on that cold December night.

It had been a lovely day (well it was if you consider the weather). In the morning she had woken up with the first alarm (even though it was a Sunday) and had instantly smiled. It was bright and sunny with birds chirping and people in their best moods. It was the kind of day when she had the feeling that nothing could go wrong. After lunch she and her parents had headed to the Dilli Haat. Not just for a simple outing but to meet her long time boyfriend and his parents. A first parent-parent meeting. She had visualized this moment for so long and never ever had a single strand of doubt had crossed her mind. She was enormously in love....love that made all things possible, that made the earth go round and that left no space for any kind of doubt. Aashray was a typical Delhi guy...who loved branded clothes, flashy bikes and tried not to show how badly he needed her, especially in front of his friends. But its impossible to hide such stuff...his friends, their friends had nicknamed him as Aashiq Sharma...for his eyes never left her no matter what the surrounding be - in the class, in the cafeteria, in the badminton court....

But that was past. Her watch had stuck 3:00PM as she had helped out her parents with their suitcases at Dilli Haat (they had a train to catch back that very evening). Nervously, excitedly, happily, dreamingly she had looked around. No Aashray. She thought of calling him but decided against it. Rather she deposited her parents suitcase at the baggage counter and they decided to have a look around...to while away time till "they" arrived. 3:15, 3:20, 3:22...oh God...these Dilliwallas...they will never be on time...it was the status thing. 3:27, 3:30, 3:32.....3:40..well things werent really as per the plan...her parents had to catch the train as well. Would they have sufficient time to discuss everything? Just than the phone rang. It was Aashray....

"Where are you? I have been here for so long now...Kahan ho? We are sitting in front of the Assam stall...jahan last time we ate momos...". Silence at the other end...She is ready to ask again but then hears the voice at the other end saying..."I am sorry..we are not coming. I am really sorry...I just had a big fight with my parents...they do not want to hear anything about us, about this meeting, about you...My mother just said that I was out of my mind and she would not let this happen no matter what.........."

Her hands became cold but then she thought it was some kind of joke. Aashray was like that. Often at the last minute he would call up to say that he would not be coming for a date only to say "arrey main to mazak kar raha tha" when she would start screaming. She looked around to see if he was somewhere around...putting a face on those thousands of smiling faces...even as her parents looked at her inquiringly. Not seeing him or for that matter them she asks..."but the other day you said your parents had agreed to come over...now what...?" "yes they had...even I asked my father the same question as to why had they agreed to the whole thing and they said that it was just a way to keep me from blowing off...."

She didn't hear another word...though she could make out what he might be saying...a couple of sorrys served with a salad of promises and topped with sauces of regret. She kept down the phone, making that mammoth effort to be normal. To that inquiring look of her parents she just said "Lets go ahead and order something...they are not coming...seems like his parents have a problem with....". That was where she stopped. What was there problem, exactly? Was it intercaste marriage or was it that she was a small towner? Or that she would not let her parents give even a penny in the name of dowry? She had no idea. Aashray had always said that it was his responsibility to convince his parents...that he would do it...no matter what. Fuck responsibility....fuck guys...hadnt she been warned time and again by friends about the "typical Delhi guy"? Fuck her for not listening to them...

Her parents didn't say anything..but deep down she knew they must have been hurt. More by the fact that she was sad than by the fact that they had been a butt of disrespect- after all they had come over just for this one meeting and then to be told that everything stood cancelled...everything was tropsy turvy. She will have to be brave atleast till they were there....

Her mother was saying something. It must have been sympathetic (she saw it in the expression) but she couldn't really make it out behind all that white noise that was going in her head. So she chirps out..."Lets try out the parathas at the new stall over there, I have heard they are better than the ones at Chandni Chowk". Her parents nodded their head and followed their daughter.

The parathas were no doubt delicious and to an outsider the conversation between the three of them must have seemed cheerful and animated. He mother had insisted on her eating an extra paratha (being a mother she must have known that tonight wasn't the night her daughter was going to cook). Reluctantly, she had eaten the extra one, without any desire or hunger...Anything to avoid that outburst of emotions.

Soon after, she had bid them an overly cheerful farewell(farewell? cheerful?) even as they had looked out concerned from the train window. It was late evening now with Cannaught Place full of lights and entwined couples. If she overlooked that one call...it was still a perfect day. But then even before she had taken a seat in the bus silent tears had blinded her and then there was no stopping. Not when a concerned lady seated next to her had inquired if she could do something to help her out, not when her stop had arrived, not when her bed had received her warmly, lovingly....not until that laugh. The laugh that made her think that she was in the grips of madness.

As an amateur writer, she had always been fascinated by the characters she wrote about. The true lover, the dutiful wife, the erratic kid, the mysterious woman, the silent killer and what not. She knew that she could fit into any of these roles as easily as she fitted into her own clothes. During any given conversation with xyz, while her body interacted, her mind would be fiddling, backstage, trying to decide what mask to put on. Often that confused people...in one conversation lasting 10 minutes she would jump from being silent to bubbly to rude to reserved and then back to bubbly in no particular order. She enjoyed this game immensely but then would make sure to leave no bad feelings with the other person, towards the end.

But now, she had this opportunity to do what she had always wanted. Play the vamp to the hilt. Hence the laugh. She had always visualized a happy cheerful married life with Aashray in the years to come by. Never ever for a second had the role reversal taken even in the darkest corner of her brain. But now all of a sudden things were so very different. "Just wait and watch Mr Aashray....your bad time starts now...", she said to herself. "I will convince my parents...no matter what isn't that what you had said? Well, well...lets play some games..shall we?"

The next moment she had dialled his number. He had picked up on the third ring and had said a hesitant hello. In a cheerful composed voice she had spoken just like everyday, inquiring what he did over the whole day and things like that. He had been surprised and once had even tried to mumble out a sorry which she had overlooked and had continued talking. Seven minutes later when she had kept down the phone she had his consent to see her the next week. Though there was nothing except hate now, she had noted with sadness that Aashray had not even fleetingly mentioned that there was no sense in meeting now. "So all I am is a time pass....I will make you pay for every single thing..." were her last thoughts before dreams took her to a more peaceful place.

(...continued to part II....)