Of Ghosts, Shampoos and Washing Powders

It was a horrible night. The moment I closed my eyes I could see her crawling out of the TV towards me. If not that I could feel her slimy fingers on my legs…her long hair bristling the soles of my feet. Reason :I had watched the movie “The Ring”(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ring_%282002_film%29) the same evening and even though I had known the plot since long – the scene where the ghost of Sadako crawls out of the television towards Ryuji had made me go cold and right now the entire scene was playing in my head...Again and again!!

To make the matters worse I was more scared of the crawling ghost than a "normal" standing/walking ghost.Humans have an inborn innate fear of the creepy crawlies since the monolithic age, as confirmed by scientists. Crawling usually signifies a reptile and the brain has evolved to see it as danger. Combine the fear of ghosts with that of reptiles and you have a blockbuster – or a scared woman. Look at it whatever way you want…

I tired several tactics to relax my nerves. I told them that ghosts aren’t for real. I told them that if nothing else the ghost will crawl out not today but a week after (as it happens in the movie). I tried to sleep with the lights on but that made me look towards the television every 10th second. I tried to sleep with the lights off lights but then my brain got the idea that it had to be doubly alert in the darkness. It was a losing situation – no matter what way I looked at it. I cursed myself for being stupid enough to think of myself as being brave enough to watch a horror movie. To engage my mind elsewhere, I switch on the TV and decide to watch something funny that will take my mind of the whole thing. After a while I do feel a bit ok so I turn the volume to mute and close my eyes. Somehow the brain thinks it as logical that Sadako will not turn up if the TV is tuned to a different programme. Amazing isn't that?

Anyways, behind closed eyes my brain was still evaluating all the times when I had watched horror movies and had been scared or had laughed them off. I remembered the the last time I had been so scared was while watching “Vaastu Shastra”(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaastu_Shastra_%28film%29). Scenes from the movie start playing in my head one after the other. After a while I realize that I am no longer scared of Sadako and her crawling – it was the strange looking tree outside the window (which at that one moment in every likeness looked like the one in Vaastu Shastra) that I was holding my attention and fear. One ghost eclipsing the other...

And then suddenly I hear a sound- my body still taut with stress reacts immediately. My eyes turn to the television and believe it or not there she was, crawling out of the well and the TV...making straight towards me. So the legend was true- I had watched the movie without copying and hadn't recommended it to anyone thereby being cursed. I cant go towards the door because she was there between me and the door. I feel for my mobile phone, but can't find it. So I turn to the landline on the side table and what I saw made me into a statue. On the other side of the bed was the whole ghostly cast from Vaastu Shastra was there right by the window...staring at me!!

To say that I was horrified would be an understatement- I had no clue what to do.I was the battlefield and the prey and my imagination had no answer to what the "2 armies" would turn me into. But then even in that terrible moment a question nagged and tucked at the strings of logic. Why both of them here? And why at the same time? Was it planned or just plain bad luck to be doubly scared? Since both of them were staring at me it almost seemed that they were unaware of each other. Or was it possible that the Indian and Japanese ghosts don't see each other(just as normal humans don't see ghosts). How would they react once they saw one another?

For a split second I got more interested in what their reactions would be on seeing each other. Would they say “Hello, nice to see you here. I wasn’t expecting to see you” or would they continue to crawl/walk towards me unmindful of each other? Would they say “I reached here first – it’s my right to scare her to death” or would they just be nice and divide the “horror killing” between themselves? And how about the language barrier? Japanese versus Hindi ghosts…would the creepy Sadako get up and do that bowing ritual thats common in the Eastern countries while our own desi ones would reply with a polite Namaste?

I was drawn back to reality on hearing a snort from one of them (not sure which one)But then I realised that the snort was the end result of the 2 parties seeing each other- thereby confirming that it was my plain bad luck that the ghosts from 2 scary movies had chosen the same time to scare me. Looking at their faces I thought they looked horror struck themselves (if ghosts can be horror struck). Both stopped dead in their tracks eyeing each other. What were they waiting for? For me to do the introductions? "Hello everyone, great to see so many of you right here. This is Sadako, who stays in some well in Japan and Sadako this is Virat, this is Manish, that little girl, she is Jyoti....Hope u all have a bloody good time...make the most out of me...blah blah"?

Now that I had no doubt about the existence of Ghosts and because I had time before I died, I did what humans do when everything else fails. I turned to God...Hanumaan Chalisa came pouring out of my mouth as if my life depended on it...It did...or did'nt it? I wasn't sure

The effect was immediately apparent. The Vaastu Shastra family- they could not bear the sounds of the Chalisa and headed out of the window right away. But Sadako looked a bit confused (I could not see her face but the body language suggested that). I feel pity for her. First she had to face a whole team of ghosts where she had anticipated a frightened girl and then this...Poor thing. But I didnt dare to help her out. Thankfully Virat (Sushmita Sen’s husband in Vaastu Shastra) comes to her rescue(with his fingers firmly inside his ears- to block off the Hanuman Chalisa). He explains the whole situation to her and invites her for a cup of tea err blood on the tree top home before Sadako leaves to her well-home in faraway Japan. “Athithi devo bhava”.It was nice to see the traditions running prim and proper even on the other side of the grave. Both of them give me that dirty-ghost-just-wait-and-watch-look and move out. Thankfully.

I breathe again. I thank God for pulling me out and then praise myself inwardly for remembering the whole of Hanuman Chalisa. But what was this sound? My body tenses again but then I realise that its the ghosts outside my window...laughing and talking...as if they have met soulmates. For sure...only if they had any souls... I place the photograph of God on the window(so that they cannot enter the room again) and get back to bed. I can still hear them - my eyes refuse to shut with them around, right outside the window. They share their numbers and mail ids. No I didn’t note it for the brave hearts reading this out. They discuss “how-they-turned-into-ghost” stories in a mix of English and sign language. The lady ghosts also exchange “scary makeup” tips and gals from “Vaastu Shastra” take a special liking to Sadako’s long and dense hair asking her “kaun sa shampoo use karti ho” (What shampoo do you use?). Dove? Pantene? L’Oreal (because you are worth it-are Ghosts worth it?). She tells some gruesome mix of blood and frogs and cockroaches that she applies 7 days a week. Oh!! So the secret of long and dense hair is not shampoo but regular champi… “But champi ke liye time kahan?”, pipe out the Indians in unison(so they knew those ad lines as well..) This was certainly getting weirder every moment. They mumble among themselves that Sadako certainly has a lot of time – after all the bottom of a well can’t be interesting enough…

At this Sadako tells them that she has a proper routine to keep herself occupied. When asked as to what keeps her “so busy” at the bottom of the well she laments “You see, I have crawl out to my victims and that gets my clothes dirty. But then I cannot afford to keep my clothes unclean or of a color anything other than the brightest of the white shades – otherwise the effect on the victims will not be the same – particularly the victims whom I seek in the darkness in late evenings – they will not see me at all if not for my white clothes. I spend no less than 3 days each week cleaning up my dress for the next visit” I hear sympathetic oohs and aahs from the other party and each of them followed by the suggestions of Rin Supreme and Ariel and Vanish followed by a thumping approval made by Virat’s kaamvali in favour of Tide….

Chownk gai bhaiya? The thumping was so loud that I jump out of my skin. After all they are ghosts...and unpredictible. It was at that moment that my eyes open. So I had dozed off…Everything looks normal…noone’s around – not in my room, nor outside on the tree. It’s all quiet and I permit myself to smile on the weird dream that I had until all of a sudden my eyes fall on the TV. It’s open...how? My nerves stiffen again…but then I remember that it was me who had turned it on. One breath and I stiffen again because I don’t know whether it’s a chance or by design…the channel is Zee Café and its showing 13B(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13B_%28film%29). My room number is 13….